a timid start It started out a little lonely, maybe because I left my husband behind. I initially felt like an outsider – being a newbie on the trip, not exactly sure how to serve, meeting people on our team for the first time, never having been to arizona – much less having met navajo people before. I wanted to soak it all in, excited to be a part of all the action. soon, the youth program seemed like a side dish while the rest of the camp hustled around to plan for marketplace stations with golden coins and costumes, and tribe leaders bore their colorful headbands. But it was exciting, nonetheless. For the first few days, it seemed we were our own entity – using every hour to plan for a full day of activities and messages, and struggling to build relationships with teens. it seemed pretty impossible to identify with them and gain their trust.
the staredown It took me a couple days to remember that they were young. the navajo middle and highschoolers that showed up in the youth room at 9am in the mornings were… shy, quiet, and seemingly hardened by the world they had grown up in. they looked at me as if i would never understand them or be close to them – and either they had heard it all before, or they were totally disinterested in what we had to say. during small groups on Tuesday, i asked a couple of the girls to come sit by us in a circle, as i patted an empty seat on the floor next to me and put on my friendly smile. no response. later, i asked one of the girls a simple question. no answer. just a mean, unresponsive staredown. it was as if she was saying, ‘who do you think you are? i don’t trust you. and i don’t really care what you have to say to me.’ she turned her head to stare out the window instead, keeping a safe distance.
turning point Wednesday personally marked a turning point for me. sometimes you work tirelessly and your human side cries out for some recognition, some appreciation. i was challenged to consider that the best servants, and the best leaders for that matter, work wholeheartedly without expecting anything in return. i think the Lord was gently reminding me that i was not here to just do my minimal clean-up duties and attend meetings, but to serve and give when there was a need. i was also here to serve the navajo youth, and plant seeds even if i didn’t have faith that anything would grow in the desert. ironically, when i began to offer help, take duties that were not my own, take the initiative to share the gospel and eagerly look for such opportunities, god richly blessed me, and i found a deeper joy in the daily work i was doing. wednesday was also a big day for me in the youth program – it was my turn to teach the lesson i had started planning weeks ago, guiding activities about our relationships with parents, understanding family conflict, and introducing the story of the prodigal son and what god had similarly done for us. i prayed about clearly articulating the gospel story for those who were hearing it for the first time. and later realized that sadly, it had been awhile since i had shared the story. it was time for all our rehearsing and strategizing and praying… to come together. students began to open up a little more to our humorous skits, games, group activities, etc. on thursday, we even saw more camraderie and teamwork, as students had to work together to memorize verses and make it through some physical challenges we presented. despite the fact that new students were popping in and out even on the last two days, and the number attending was growing everyday (i believe we had 27 total on thursday!), there seemed to be a renewed energy and openness to the group. it had taken us a few days to make it through the rough waters, but doors were opening, students were smiling and laughing with us, and we dared to open god’s word together and even memorize scripture. i was greatly encouraged, but it was bittersweet, knowing we only had one day left.
Friday was a really intense day. We had so much we wanted to accomplish with very limited time. lessons were summarized, relationships were deepened, the gospel was clearly presented again, puzzle pieces of faith were put together in a bigger picture, rockets were built and launched… but the most important time was pulling out students one-on-one for conversations about their faith and their commitment to jesus. i was a little nervous and excited, and overwhelmed by the number of students i wanted to have conversations with. in the end, i was only able to have a few real, honest conversations with some of the girls, but it was wonderful to encourage them and pray with them. a couple youth students came to know christ for the first time, while others rededicated their lives to jesus, and it was something our whole team – roger, grace, cris, and i - could celebrate together. we felt a little comfort in knowing that hardrock community church now had a youth pastor who could follow up on some of the work we had done, and it was wonderful to team up daily with larry and trina to reach so many new faces. as i took the bumpy ride back to some of their homes friday afternoon, i looked out at the vast expanse of desert and was saddened as we drove by miles and miles of dry nothingness. these were the navajo people’s homes and livelihood. yet i was deeply moved by how the Lord was still watching over each child that said goodbye and hopped out of the van.
the watering hole Something unexpected happened. three of our students had followed pastor nez to join us Friday night under the stars at the watering hole – two of the girls, in particular, were youth students that i had been praying for, but it had been extremely difficult to gain their trust. Neither had spoken a word to me all week, nor had they shown any level of friendliness. They sat together, distanced from the rest of our team, talking amongst themselves. In an effort to make one last connection, I prayed that they would come join us – and after an invitation to sit closer, they came. Maybe it was the chill in the air, or maybe some barriers finally came down, but we began to share sleeping bags and blankets, and opened up in friendly conversation. for the first time, i heard one of the girls address me by my first name, and look at me in the eye. it doesn’t sound like a big deal, but believe me, i was taken aback. i was shocked that they would even dare to come close to me, since they hadn’t even two days earlier. The chill in the air got colder, and everyone had to huddle closer… but amidst all the singing and sharing from our team, i could look over and see the three youth students next to me, and smile, knowing that the Lord was softening their hearts, even on the last day.
I need this. Our church needs this. God’s people need to practice being vulnerable with one another, practice serving together, and commit to a common vision and purpose. once we boarded the plane to phoenix, there was no turning back. and once we arrived in our six dusty vans to the navajo reservation, there really was no backdoor. no cell phone service, no meal choices, cold showers, and living in community – whether we liked it or not. personal alone time was rare and precious. but i believe our church needs this. in fact, after this week, i don’t think i’ll see our church quite in the same way again. although i left not knowing half of the team, i came away with a deeper understanding of people, purpose, and unity. we bonded through improv skits, daily spiritual exercises, and shared for hours (under the stars) what we had each learned. although I am not usually one to share my emotions so readily, i laughed and cried this week, as our team grew and streched… and rejoiced as we saw fruit and glimpses of children coming to know more about jesus. i know it was particularly challenging for some – whether physically, relationally, or emotionally, but as i was reminded before our journey, the Lord works mightily through us as we endure hardship. I needed this trip to grow and to be changed. to consider my attitude of service, my mission to the gospel of God’s grace, and my commitment to obedience.
I realized by the end of the trip that He had planned all things in advance for me. had josh been there, my experience probably would have been completely different, so he prepared a way for me to make new, treasured friendships. He wanted me to have wonderful, meaningful conversations with new, unexpected friends and build deeper relationships for the future. He wanted to open my eyes to the navajo people - that i would learn something from them, and take what i had learned with me back to st. louis. He wanted me to testify of the gospel, to speak out and be unafraid to share his truth, and to gain a renewed sense of purpose and commitment to my faith...
However, I consider my life worth nothing to me, if only I may finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me – the task of testifying to the gospel of God’s grace. Acts 20:24To see pics from Navajo, go to
http://picasaweb.google.com/tao.sarah
big boy!!!
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It's nice to have friends who are so excited for you. :)
here we are at sam & ellen's wedding out in california..jpg)
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babies seem to be drawn to the tummy... maybe they have an instinctive knowledge of that familiar place. or maybe it was the polkadots....jpg)
here's a more recent picture from the beginning of 2008.
mike and i attempted this next pose outside the getty museum. he's obviously much better than i am, but we're both missing the boobs.
more pics from our trip(s) soon to be uploaded to picasa web...
apparently jocie has no shame. this pic will be infamous during her own wedding slideshow in 20+ years. way to go lees!!
i love this pic - lots of man love.
we're flying to southern california tomorrow and we'll be in houston next week for thanksgiving. see you soon!!
Our boy has no shame...and obviously he's very excited that we're all staring at his little hot dog. So far so good!!
Long overdue, but nevertheless here it finally is: the first picture of our little one at only 8.5 weeks!
a timid start It started out a little lonely, maybe because I left my husband behind. I initially felt like an outsider – being a newbie on the trip, not exactly sure how to serve, meeting people on our team for the first time, never having been to arizona – much less having met navajo people before. I wanted to soak it all in, excited to be a part of all the action. soon, the youth program seemed like a side dish while the rest of the camp hustled around to plan for marketplace stations with golden coins and costumes, and tribe leaders bore their colorful headbands. But it was exciting, nonetheless. For the first few days, it seemed we were our own entity – using every hour to plan for a full day of activities and messages, and struggling to build relationships with teens. it seemed pretty impossible to identify with them and gain their trust.
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